Diane Luvnmyfam Hounschell
Today at 2:45am
A VISITORS GUIDE TO KNOXVILLE…..
1. You must learn to pronounce the city name correctly. It is Nox-Vull.
2. Forget traffic rules you learned elsewhere, we have our own version. The Trans-Am with the loudest exhaust goes first at a 4-way stop, the truck with the biggest tires goes after that…
3. All directions start with “go down to Kingston Pike, which is the Alpha and Omega…the beginning and the end.
4. Henley Street becomes Chapman Hwy., or 441. Broadway turns into Maynardville Hwy., or 33. Cumberland Ave. turns into Kingston Pike, and Magnolia Ave. turns into Asheville Hwy.
5. The morning rush hour is from 6-10…the evening rush hour is 3-7. Friday rush hour starts Thursday morning.
6. If you stop at a yellow light, you will be rear-ended, cussed out, and possible shot.
7. Gallaher View Road can only be pronounced by a native.
8. Construction on I-40/75 is a permanent thing!
9. Watch very carefully for road hazards such as deer, skunks, dogs, barrels, cones, cows, horses, potholes, cats, pieces of other cars, truck tires, raccoons, squirrels, rabbits, and crows feeding on all the above.
10. Three interstates converge to run through the Greater Knoxville area, resulting in a bounty of 18-wheeler accidents and spills. Recent spills include cattle, liquor, live artillery shells, Rolling Rock bottle caps, phosphoric acid, Styrofoam peanuts, and yes…..corn syrup!
11. Natives refer to the Pellissippi Parkway. You will find no road signs marked as such. It is actually Interstate 140, but don’t refer to it as that because the locals will have no idea what you are talking about.
12. The minimum acceptable speed on Pellissippi Parkway is 85. Anything less in consider downright sissy!
13. If it’s 100 degrees, Thanksgiving must be next weekend. If it’s 10 degrees and snowing, the Dogwood Arts Festival is going on.
14. Knoxville Center Mall is actually in East Knoxville. West Town Mall id just east of Downtown West.
15. No one who lives in the town of Farragut is actually from Tennessee, or even the South. Admiral Farragut was a Union soldier. Yep, they’re all Yankees!
16. It is better to stay off the roads on Saturdays in the fall, as 3 out of 4 drivers have had way to much Jack Daniels at the ballgame and the fourth is a cop!
17. Never, and we mean NEVER, plan a wedding for a weekend when UT is playing football. That’s what open dates are for!
18. There is nothing in the sunsphere! Don’t try to go up there.
19. It is a good and honorable thing to work on a mobile home sales lot.
20. Yeah, the mountains are pretty, but how bout them outlet malls!
21. Never point and laugh at anything painted orange, no matter how bizarre or tasteless, unless you want your butt kicked.
22. It’s pronounced “NEELAND” stadium.
23. The Chamber of Commerce says parking after dark in the Old City should be “pretty safe.”
24. If you see a really interesting old building in Knoxville, there is no doubt a plan to tear it down!
25. The two tallest buildings in Knoxville and the 1982 World’s Fair park were built by two brothers who promptly filed bankruptcy and when to prison for bank fraud. If your last name is Butcher, you might want to keep on moving!
Diane Luvnmyfam Hounschell